I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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