I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
