Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
