WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
