I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize