question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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