If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You made out with two different species that night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
