As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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