how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
