I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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