just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
