Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
