why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
