Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
