Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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