I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
