You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
