Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
