she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize