At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
