After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
