She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
