Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
