I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
