proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
50% drunk capacity currently
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
