He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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