hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
