I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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