You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
