toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
