i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
