I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
