I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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