So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
