tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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