I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
