yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
