I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
