I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
