He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
