Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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