If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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