After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
