so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
