Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
