I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
