So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
