he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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