To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
