Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
