My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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