Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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