i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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