Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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