I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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