Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
