He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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