dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize