Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
