Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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