Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
