They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
