Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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