shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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