why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
