I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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