fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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