you traded sex for a burrito?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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