2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
