she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
