Apparently you make a good broom.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
