Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
