Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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