I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
