I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
