Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
