oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
