I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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