So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
