The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
