my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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