why didn't you poke me back
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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